EDITORIAL: Why SPIDER-MAN Joining The MCU Is Like Asking The President For A Drink And Why You Have A Better Chance Of Receiving A Drink From The President.

"Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can." Obviously, spiders can’t shove common sense into the general public and film critics alike. For the past couple of years, all I’ve heard in regard to Sony Pictures/Spider-Man movie conversations/articles is the declaration “sell the rights to Marvel.” This statement annoys the living barnacles out of me. Not only is this quarrel perhaps the most stupid argument since “Superman could totally lift that island of Kryptonite.” But this argument makes less sense than the ending to Bryan Singers’ Superman Returns. Throughout this piece I will explore the reasons why Sony will never let Spider-Man venture to the other side, and I might even make certain people think… So, swing away.

Since 2002, the Spider-Man franchise has grossed over $3.7 billion worldwide, this is not including DVD sales, merchandise and tie in products, this is just the films. Now, unless you do not understand numbers or profit/loss, you can tell that is a lot of money. Last year marked the release of The Amazing Spider-Man, the reboot of the Spider-Man franchise, and went on to gross over $750 million worldwide, in the words of the immortal Borat “great success.” But even before The Amazing Spider-Man’s release, ‘fans’ (‘fans’ = people who believe anything Marvel Studios touch is pure genius *cough Incredible Hulk *cough) believed that Marvel Studios should have the rights and Sony should go die in a whole. That’s a vague understanding of every chat board and forum on the web, but it is very true. So, why is it that people think Marvel should have the rights? Is it because they have made eight films that have all been financially successful and critically successful? In that case the Spider-Man franchise is not doing so bad, after four films the least successful film (critically) was Spider-Man 3, but that grossed $890 million worldwide, so it cannot be that Sony are making unsuccessful films. Because, even emo Peter Parker, can rake the dough.

So now that we have a bit of history out of the way, let us get to the now. Why do fans think Spider-Man should be at Marvel? Well, basically, it is because ‘fans’ have not given this argument much thought. Marvel Studios president, Kevin Feige, has said time and time again that “Marvel have a plan up to 2021.” So, how is it that Marvel, are just going to shove one of the highest grossing superheroes of all time, into their plan? You know, the one that ends in 2021? A lot of people online seem to think that it is a piece of cake making a film series, let alone a film universe. People! It is a hard thing to create a film universe, props to Marvel Studios, they have done something fantastic, kudos to them, and they really deserve it. But you cannot shove a character like Spider-Man in there with no build up. You know, we are not talking about… Namor or The Silver Surfer, we are talking about Spider-Man, the character whose film’s have become box office smashers and have entertained millions. I received a Tweet a couple of days ago, it went like this “But Rob, Joss Whedon would nail Peter Parker’s dialogue.” Okay, so you are saying, that the hallway scene in The Amazing Spider-Man was not a perfect Peter Parker situation? Because, out of the entire film series (including Raimi’s) I believe that hallway scene is perhaps the best  sequence of them all. The scene shows Peter’s relatable side (with his nervous stumbles) and bringing a seemingly fictional hero, down to the viewers level. But remember guys; Joss Whedon would “nail” Peter Parker’s dialogue, thus making all Spider-Man films worthless because Whedon did not write them. Why would Sony sell a franchise that is making them billions of dollars? Sorry ‘fans’ this is not Football Manager, where you can buy Lionel Messi for $5 million.

 Another interesting argument is the argument that says, “All of Sony’s Spider-Man movies suck.” Now, this is simply not true. Film, in general, is all viewer perceived, if I like Batman Forever, but you hate it, that does not mean it sucks, it just means we have a different stance on it.  I love Spider-Man 3, it has its faults, but overall it is a pretty solid movie. Now, that does not mean, the film is amazing and no one can say anything bad about it, that just means I thought it was good. Whenever I hear an argument with people saying “TASM sucked.” I ask them why, and they usually reply with “too dark and gritty.” Okay, if you go back and watch Raimi’s film, you would be surprised how much darker that film is compared to The Amazing Spider-Man, and if you want to prove me wrong, go ahead take a swing, that is not an opinion, that is a fact. The next thing people say is “Hipster Peter Parker.” Now, I do not understand how this argument even exists. What is so “hipster” about Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker? What? He wears skinny jeans? Oh heavenly Father no! Not skinny jeans! Give me a break, I wear skinny jeans to school, I do not get called a hipster. Case closed, The Amazing Spider-Man does not suck, and it is up to whoever is watching it, like all films. ALL FILMS. I felt I needed to repeat that.

In conclusion, Sony’s Spider-Man franchise is one of the best franchises the world has ever seen (in my humble opinion) with twists and turns, and jaw dropping moments, this franchise feels fresh even after its fourth film. From horrible films all the way to hipster Peter Parker, I have discussed the main reasons why Sony Pictures will never let Spider-Man go. And that is why, it is much easier asking President Barack Obama for a drink, than asking Sony Pictures to sell the Spider-Man rights. 

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